allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
