i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
