i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
