they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
