Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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