woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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