Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Send help, water and tortillas.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
