Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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