did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
