We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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