So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
