either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
