Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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