I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
