I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
