woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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