hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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