I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
