I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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