i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
