I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
