I think I died a long time ago.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
