Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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