Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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