i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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