so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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