i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Less talking, more tequila
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
