if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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