By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
