i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
