Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
