I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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