Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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