Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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