I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
