I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
