Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
