it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
