Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
