i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
