Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
