Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
