You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
