i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
