I am puke
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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