What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
operation harelip BJ is a go
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
