a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
