A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
