I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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