and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
